


Broken

by Sad_But_Rad_Davey_Strides



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Almost Dying, Cutting, Depression, Feels, Mentions of Rape, Rape Recovery, Self Harm, possible pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-12
Updated: 2015-03-12
Packaged: 2018-03-17 13:54:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3531767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sad_But_Rad_Davey_Strides/pseuds/Sad_But_Rad_Davey_Strides
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dany is raped and she feels it is all her fault and has been lashing out at her brother (Bro Strider) and thats basically it. :/ just read it if you want.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Broken

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if it sucks it is the first one I've really done so far :/

One month. It had been one month since the night her life went to hell. The night she had gotten one too many hours of detention in school. The night she had her music up one tick to high. The night she had been a minuet to slow walking home. The night Dany was grabbed from behind by a group of men, a gun shoved to her temple so hard she saw stars. They took everything from her. Not just her virginity, but her happiness, her peace of mind, her even temper. She didn’t say a single thing to anyone. She thought it was her fault. Dany had started to lash out at her sibling, who had no clue what was happening to her. Scars had started to litter her arms and legs. She didn’t wear shorts or skirts anymore, despite the horrific heat that whacked them that summer. Bracelets sprawled their way up her arms. She didn’t spend hours on the computer with her friends. She didn’t use her turn tables or write lyrics any more. Her swords collected dust on the shelf. That was one month ago this had started. Now she woke up screaming in the middle of the night, cursing under her breath when she realized what had happened. That was the third time this week. She stumbled out of her bed, her head pounding viciously. She stumbled out of her bed and into the bathroom, not bothering with the door; she assumed everyone in the house was asleep. She looked at herself in the mirror. She hated what she saw. She opened the cabinet, putting one of the strong pain pills in her mouth and swallowing it without water. Her bracelets were off and her arms were bare. But the house was dark. Dany was about to stumble her way back in the room when she felt the rush of air that characterized her siblings flash step. She panicked, slamming the door of the bathroom shut. It stopped just short when her sibling’s foot jammed itself in the door first. Her jaw clenched. “What are you doing up?”  
He sighed softly and pushes the door open. "Well I kinda had to take care of personal business in here and I heard you screaming...Everything alright?" He spoke lowly, not even sure what to say. He was afraid to set her off in some way, he didn’t want his little sis to be angry at him, and he just wanted her to be back to her old self.  
She glared at him and backed away. "Fuck off" she said, glad that she was between him and the bathroom light, so if he tried to turn it on she would be able to sneak out of the room before he saw any of her scars. She cursed herself for not putting on her hoodie. "I’m fine go to bed, asshole" she muttered and tried to brush past him into her room  
He moves out of her way, nodding. He had already set her off...Just by those few words he had spoken? He felt as if he hadn't been the best brother he could have been, did he do something wrong? Had he not done the right thing for her? He shakes his head lightly as if he had something on him and waits for her to leave the bathroom. "Sorry...Di'in't mean to say anythin' to make you mad, Dany..."  
She stormed to her room "Just leave me alone" she said and closed her door. She had been like that lately. Angry and mean to him. But she really loved him. He was the closest thing to a father she had ever had. A few times she had even contemplated just calling him her fucking dad. But she was in so much pain inside she just needed to let it out and unfortunately Bro was the closest thing to her whenever she couldn’t hold it in anymore. She hated hurting him... but she couldn’t stop.  
He sighed, walking into the bathroom and running water could be heard. After he finished up in there, he went to her door and knocked softly. "Dany? You know I love you right? And you can tell me if something’s wrong...right?" he spoke softer than he usually did, his voice shaking slightly as he did speak...He was just afraid she was angry at him, he loved her so much, after all he has taken care of her since she was young. He never wanted to see her in such anger and frustration.  
"Don’t do this" she said, her voice tense behind the door. "Just... let me be. You did nothing wrong I’m just pissy!" she said and laid back on her bed, facing out the window. She saw the moon, a view she used to love. Now she hated it. The only thing she had seen as she had been attacked was the moon and silhouetted shapes against its harsh glow. Every time she saw it now the voices of those men rang through her head... but at the same time she couldn’t look away  
He didn't know what else to do so he walked away after saying, "Alright...But remember, your big brother is still here for you..." He closed his door after he had gone back to his room, sitting at the edge of his bed, thinking but nothing coming to.  
She locked the door to her room and sat on the floor, trying not to look outside, as she struggled to stay away from the blades under her bed. She gulped and shook as she pulled out her freshest one, the moonlight bouncing off of it, first white, and then tainted red  
After hours of sitting and forcing all thoughts out of his head he got out of his room and went to check on Dany. He wanted to see if she was going to have breakfast before he went out for the day. He knocks softly and opens the door. "He, sis, you wanna eat before I gotta go?"  
She froze where she sat, thankfully hidden from her brother’s gaze. "No I’m fine" she said and pulled her blanket over herself, feeling the blood run down her arm. Fuck she cut to deep  
He walks in some and looks down. He wished he could read her mind, but he knew if he could he'd wish he couldn't. He clenched his jaw some and nods, turning around before saying, "I Love you, little sis..." and walking out to the main room and grabbing his shoes.  
Glad he hadn’t noticed, she quickly double locked her door and rushed to get her bandages on her wrist so it would stop bleeding, starting to feel dizzy and a little sick. She was dripping blood on her floor. She was panicking  
He sat in the main room for a moment, before going to the kitchen to grab something to drink before he gets fully ready. He went to his room, put on a dress shirt and pants. Afterwards going to the bathroom to comb his hair and clean his face along with brushing his teeth, not aware of anything she was feeling.  
She thought he was gone already, and unlocked her door, before toppling over from loss of blood. She thought he was gone. That there was no one that she could call for help. Not that she would anyways... he didn’t need this.  
He heard a thump and looked out from the bathroom. He dropped everything he was doing and grabbed gauze from the shelf, pressing it tightly to her wrist. He was near tears, his jaw tensing. After he wrapped up her wrists he picked her up, setting her in her room, leaving for a split second before coming back to clean up. He worked fastly to patch her up. He can't lose her. The thought of his little sister not being there made him break; collapsing to the side of her bed...crying...he never cried...What is he doing? He couldn’t stop though, he kept crying and crying.  
Thankfully by the time he was unable to work he had saved her... and likely just in time. She stayed asleep for a long while, her breathing slowly going from forced and shallow, as if she was fighting, to a steady calm as her body worked to make more blood. When she did wake up she flinched at the light in the room, covering her eyes  
It had been hours, he was a wreck....how could he see she was unhappy. Light sobbing could be heard from the main room, there was still blood on his hands and shirt from when he had patched her up. He sat in the dark, his face in his hands as he sobbed. He had been a horrible father figure. He had been a horrible parent. Why did he think he could do this? Why could he not see how unhappy she was...? He kept sobbing, trying to push these thoughts from his head but it was failing.  
She heard his crying... and she wanted to go to him! To tell him it wasn’t his fault that he did nothing wrong. But the moment she sat up she felt sick and had to swallow back her own bail. "Bro?" she called to him, trying to get him to come in... Did he think she was dead? Or in a coma or something. God she hoped not. "BRO!"  
He hears her, pretending as if he had not been crying. Pretending he found her and all he did was patching her up. When he came in his eyes were blood shot and lifeless. He walked over to where she lay and stood there in silence and giving her a reassuring nod  
"Bro don’t do that" she said and tugged at his hand. She tried to sit up again, and with similar results, so she just pulled him closer, wanting him to be there. "Bro don’t cry... you never cry... don’t cry" she said softly, looking at him.  
He shook his head, still forcing back tears. His jaw tightening as he sat at the edge of her bed. He takes a deep breath staring at the blood on him, his hair a mess. He closes his eyes. Act as if nothing is wrong. Act strong...Keep pretending.  
She could see the same things she often chanting to herself... every night as she hides away her blades.... the things she despised... going through her brothers head. She felt horrible. In her mind she had done the same thing to her brother as those men did to her. Tears welled in her own eyes "Bro please"  
He didnt want to speak. he was afraid. he was going to break again if he spoke and he knew it. He clawed at his leg.He had failed his little sister. he failed being a good rolemodel. He couldn't speak. He didnt want to speak. He sat still and silent and cold.  
"Bro speak to me please please say something" she said, her voice breaking into small sobs, her chest hurting and her mind reeling "Please i need you to talk to me i need it"  
he takes a deep breath and opens his mouth. "I-I tried to talk to..to you...You pushed me away....I failed you...I was suppose to keep you from having to feel this way...I failed.." He said, his voice cracking as he held his face in his hands.  
"Bro you... You didnt. You didnt do... bro please" she said and pulled his hands to her, trying to get him to look. "Bro... I love you... you didnt... you didnt do it" she whispered, her eyes filled with sadness  
he kept his eyes averted down. He couldn't do it. he couldn't look her in the eye. If he did he'd do it again. he couldn't do it again. "I-...i'm sorry...."  
"Bro... You didnt do it" she whisepered, covering her own face in her hands. "Im sorry im so sorry" she whispered over and over again  
He began to cry again..Taking her in his arms, sobbing quietly. He couldn't talk, he just couldn't. He knew he'd say the wrong thing and set her off. he didn't want to set her off. So he did what he could, he cried, he cried like the horrible father figure he had been. he could have done better, raised her somewhere where she could be happy. Somewhere safe but no....nowheres safe  
"Bro you didnt do anything" she whispered. He didnt know what it was that happened.... he couldnt. But she knew she had to tell him somehow... somehow... she couldnt even get the words together in her head.  
He sobs softly and silently, he didnt want her to feel this way. She cant be this way. He loves her. All he wanted was her to be happy like she was before. Be the playful friendly kid she was...but he couldnt help but feel like he caused her pain...like he wasnt there enough for her. Like he wasnt the best choice to talk to if she needed to.  
"Bro..." she said and reached into her pillow, pulling out her journal. She had never kept one until that night... just in case something happened.... just in case she did something she couldnt undo.... so the facts werent forgotten. "Take it"  
He looks at her, eyes blood shot and weary. he takes it in his hands. his eyebrows raising in concern. he opens it up and reads it. not believing whats he is seeing...He thought she knew he could talk to him....he thought wrong....but...why did she not tell him...he tenses as he reads it. Tears rolling down his cheeks.  
She didnt look at him, staring out the window, unmoving as she heard the pages turn. She knew not once did she actually say what happened.... but he would know from the context. "Im sorry" she whispered as she knew he would be getting towards the end  
He closed the book, closing his eyes as well...."W-Why didn't you say anything.....?" his voice shook as he spoke, staying low and trying his best to keep it steady.  
"How would i bro?" she said and continued to look away "How does one just simply say it... for fucks sake i couldnt even write it" she said and covered her face  
He lets out a shaky sigh and nods. "I-I know....I'm sorry..." He didn't say the right thing, why did you not say the right thing? You're setting her off again...You knew she couldn't tell you, what the fuck is wrong with you?  
"Bro I need you..." She said. "I need to be held and cuddled and whispered sweet things to like when I was little. I want to go back bro I don't want to feel this way" she said with tears dripping down her face  
He wipes her face, stroking his hand through her hair to comfort her some. He didn't want her to be sad. He wanted only good things for her. He nods to her slowly, not caring about how he felt but more worrying about her more than himself.  
She snuggled closer to her older brother, sniffling and covering her eyes. "It hurts me every day bro... I can’t even look at the fucking moon without feeling the pain all over again" she said and curled closer  
He nods, closing his eyes. "I-I'm sorry, sis...I should have tried harder..." He shook his head, holding his face in his hands. He couldn't cry at this point. It was almost as he had cried enough...But he still felt like it was his fault. He felt this was his entire fault. As if he didn't take good enough care of her. If he would have just been there for once. If he had just been there at the right time he could have stopped all of this...She wouldn't have to feel this way anymore. If he were just there.


End file.
